Sickle and the Straw Man
by reebajee
Summary: First everyone assumed they wore masks to hide their resemblance to their father so not to become targets for Sakumo's enemies outside the village. Then they guessed it was to protect themselves from the scorn of the citizens within. They were wrong on both counts though. Kakashi and Kama wore their masks not to hide their resemblance to their mother. Non-linear one-shots.
1. Genius 'fro

"KAKASHI!"

civilians blinked as a knee high silver blur dashed around a corner, dust billowing up in its wake. Another tiny silver blur, the source of the indignant yell, followed shortly after with a barking black shape at her heels.

"Get back here you brat! Your hair looks _stupid!_ "

"Shut up Kama!" Kakashi yelled over his shoulder. "And stop tracking me with Moro, that's cheating!"

The five year old's rebuke was met with a disgruntled bark from the aforementioned black puppy and a vehement denial from her handler. The pair was cut off by the appearance of a pepper bomb being sent in their direction.

"Argh! You _jerk!"_ Kama managed to croak out between sneezes, coughs and tearing eyes. Moro whimpered in agreement. By the time the smoke cleared the two had lost track of their wayward brother. A glance at the sun shadows however confirmed the time, and knowing Kakashi hated being late, Kama knew just where he'd be headed. Kama was just about to sprint off in the direction of the training fields when she was jerked back by her collar. Glaring up at the civilian who'd interrupted her hunt she growled, "Whaddya want old man?"

The vendor leveled her with a disapproving scowl. "You shouldn't be running with scissors, kid, you could poke your eye out. Leave those stunts to the shinobi, ya hear?"

Kama merely rolled her eyes and blew a raspberry, then immediately regretted the action as it only got spit on the inside of her mask. Performing a substitution jutsu with her puppy, Kama once again sped after her brother. Suddenly finding himself holding a small black dog instead of a small rude child, the vendor blinked and dropped it as if he'd been burned. Moro quickly ran off after her master and caught up by the time she reached training ground three.

"KAKASHI!"

Kama's indignant roar caused her brother to whirl around, eyes comically widening when he spotted his twin and her ninken rapidly approaching. Looking around wildly for a place to hide from his demise, Kakashi stepped behind Minato's legs just as Kama and Moro reached their side. The two panted to catch their breath and Kama sent the silver hair sticking out from behind Minato a death glare.

"You… need… a haircut." Kama declared between breaths. "You look like an old man." Kakashi looked like Einstein to be exact, his silver hair sticking out at all angles, but no one present would understand the reference.

Kakashi squawked indignantly when Minato suddenly turned and bent to pick him up to inspect at eye level. "He kind of does, doesn't he?" The jonin humorously agreed. Setting him down but not letting go, Minato offered, "I'll keep him still while you cut, eh Kama-kun?" The piteous glare of betrayal Minato received from the five year old in his grasp merely caused him to giggle.

"Can't we do this later?" Kakashi whined, "I'll be all covered in hair for the rest of the day now."

Kama ignored him and eagerly set to work. "Keep still or I'll cut off your ears." She snapped when Kakashi wriggled in vain to get out of his sensei's grasp. He begrudgingly stilled until his sister was done trimming his hair. Once she was done the sides of his head was clipped shorter to keep his spiky locks from sticking strait out. She left his floof on top and long bangs, knowing Kakashi liked using his hair to hide behind and feel taller, not that he'd ever admit to it.

"Looks good!" Minato complimented, at last letting his student go.

Kakashi merely pouted as he began brushing himself off. "I'm all itchy now!"

"You're welcome." Kama snootily returned, "Thanks for the pepper bomb by the way, that was real mature of you."

"Any real ninja would be able to doge that." Kakashi scoffed, nose in the air. "Then again, you're not even genin yet." Giving his sister the side eye he added, "Speaking of, shouldn't you be in the _academy_ right now?"

Kama and Moro gave simultaneous growls, their hackles rising at the barb. Having your twin graduate before you was a sore spot.

Kakashi mockingly took a fistful of his discarded hair. "Here, have something to remember me by so you don't get lonely." And he threw it in their direction. Kakashi seemed altogether much more surprised than he should have been when Kama and Moro assaulted him at once.

Minato threw his head back and laughed. "It seems like that was the last _straw_ , _scarecrow_." His giggles didn't cease when the twins' fighting suddenly did. "G-get it? Cause Kama means sickle and sickles cut straw-," the jonin effortlessly dodged the two children's now redirected blows, "-and Kakashi means scarecrow and they have straw for hair-,"

"Argh, Sensei stop!" Kakashi yelled, his punch striking nothing but air.

"-but then there's that saying about the straw that broke-,"

"We get it!" Kama screeched.

When Rin returned dragging Obito in toe it was to the sight of Minato laughing and spewing puns while the Hatake twins attacked.


	2. Dogs are the best sitters

**Chapter 2: Dogs are the best baby sitters**

A st. Bernard snoozing in the sun jolted awake to the sound of one of her charges' crying wails. "Nana, Kakashi pull hair!"

"No I not!" The boy pup immediately denied.

"It hurt!"

"Not!" Kakashi insisted.

Kama's face was scrunched up with tears as she tossed out her tiny fist at her brother. "Lying!"

Nana immediately swooped down to pick Kama up by the back of her onesie, carrying the crying pup away from her now crying brother. Hachiro the Great Dane immediately stood as she passed, heading off to lick and sooth the other child. The dogs dutifully wiped away the toddlers' snot and tears with their tongues and nuzzled their sides with their noses until the children giggled instead of cried. Then like clockwork they brought them back together, Kakashi and Kama facing each other dangling from the dog's mouths.

"You know what to do." Hachiro growled around his bite of onesie when neither child spoke.

"Apologise." Nana prompted. "One, two, three…"

"Sowwy." The twins mumbled in unison, neither willing to say it first.

"Good. Now who wants to cuddle on my tummy?" Nana asked. It was the best way to get the twins to fall asleep when both refused to take a naptime.

As predicted the two were both eager for the fluffy treat and were asleep between Nana's paws before they knew it. Hachiro huffed at the scene and padded off to warm up dinner, a pre-prepared pot of meat mush and two bottles of milk set in a pot of water. Two glass bottles of milk sat in a pot of water on the stove next to a pot of pre-made stew. All Hachiro had to do was turn the nob with his nose and wait for both to come to a simmer. Because of his height the Great Dane had little trouble taking the pot handles in his mouth and setting the meals aside to cool. By the time the twins awoke, each had a bottle of warm milk waiting and the dogs ate most of the stew, nudging the toddlers to try some of the softer bits.

After dinner they all played fetch and ride-the-doggie until both children were tuckered out enough for sleep. It wasn't until late at night did Sakumo finally come home.

Splattered in blood that wasn't his own and sweat that definitely was, the White Fang of the Leaf slumped into the nursery to check on his children. Hachiro met his eye from where he laid guard by the cradle and Sakumo gave a nod of acknowledgement. Finally he could relax. Still, out in the hall where the noise wouldn't disturb the sleeping twins Sakumo couldn't help but order, "Nana, report."

The st Bernard did her best impression of a doggy shrug. "Kakashi may or may not have pulled Kama's hair and Kama may or may not have punched him. We got them to both apologize. The way you set out dinner worked well and…"

Sakumo looked up from where he'd been unwrapping his shins. "And what?"

Nana huffed, "And you were right that we could smell when they were about to defecate and bring them to the potty on time. Doesn't mean it's pleasant though."

Sakumo wheezed out a laugh, the uneasy sound causing his ninken to look up in alarm. "It's fine, just bruised ribs." He gave Nana an affectionate pat. "Thank you for your work. You two go back to the wolf realm for now and I'll summon you back tomorrow."

She gave him a skeptical look. "We can stay you know. We're not actually wolf summons so it won't be a chakra drain to keep us here. Hachiro and I don't mind watching over your children." Sakumo didn't reply as he instead meticulously set about removing his wrapped thigh holster. "Was the mission difficult? You seem tired." Nana asked after a while.

Sakumo gave her a self-deprecating smile and a shake of the head. "Nah, just out of practice after my year off."

The dog nodded knowingly. "Ah, your secret paternity-leave. Hachiro and I will keep watch then. Sleep well."

And with the safety of his kids in the paws of his pack, sleep well he did.


End file.
